Friday, March 25, 2005
Children Need To Have Their Feelings Acknowledged
from "How To Talk So Kids Can Learn At Home And In School"
Instead of dismissing the child's feelings, you can:
1. Identify the child's feelings
"You sound disappointed. It can be upsetting when you know the answer and lose points for careless mistakes."
2. Acknowledge the child's feelings with a sound or word
"Oh" or "Mmm" or "Uh" or "I see."
3. Give the child in fantasy what you can't give him in reality
"Wouldn't it be great if you had a magic pencil that would stop writing if you were about to make a mistake!".
4. Accept the child's feelings even as you stop unacceptable behaviour
"You're still so angry about that grade, you're kicking your desk! I can't allow that. But you can tell me about what's upsetting you. Or you can draw it."
...
Instead of dismissing the child's feelings, you can:
1. Identify the child's feelings
"You sound disappointed. It can be upsetting when you know the answer and lose points for careless mistakes."
2. Acknowledge the child's feelings with a sound or word
"Oh" or "Mmm" or "Uh" or "I see."
3. Give the child in fantasy what you can't give him in reality
"Wouldn't it be great if you had a magic pencil that would stop writing if you were about to make a mistake!".
4. Accept the child's feelings even as you stop unacceptable behaviour
"You're still so angry about that grade, you're kicking your desk! I can't allow that. But you can tell me about what's upsetting you. Or you can draw it."
...
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